Today she thought
I miss being a girl.
How many times these months
chants & championing
woman & strong
impregnated so as she might erupt
An Orphic egg
Spit out a new cosmos amongst the darkness
Create from the wound.
She was sorry to let the universe down.
But when she buckled up her own helmet before riding
when she took her own hand to cross the road against the lights
She shuffled her feet at the curb & breathed
‘All the women in me are tired.
I miss being someone’s girl’.
If I had a $ for every time I’ve been called a muse… ‘inspirational’.
I admit. I’ve enjoyed your desire & my ego has been sufficiently stroked by what you’ve created from me. But I’m no longer content. I want to a-muse myself now.
I am After all The Fertile one.
So I’m going to impregnate the fuck out of myself.
I’ll start with jazz ( a woman likes to be woo’d after all). I’ll vibrate between all those polyrhythms and be titlated with every scratch off the record.
I’ll then dress myself in the kind of fabric that will rub up against my skin enough All eggs will release themselves in the belief something is coming.
I’ll run myself a hot bath so I can return to the womb Talk to it and say Let’s birth this baby
I’ll fire up my gut with cardamom, chilli and cinnamon so instinct will say
Yes Yes Oh yes
And no. will come with a resounding full stop.
Artists have never needed money to create. I don’t need your dollar coins.
I am the Fertile one after all.
I started with a cool 2 billion.
I was a ‘high roller’.
I lost 11,000 a month.
I laid them out like bargaining chips for love.
A Dr. told me I’d been a fool then asked for more of them:
‘I’ll take 300 for 10 grand’.
But even she couldn’t give me any guarantees.
As a 37 year old woman I’m learning there is a price you pay for love.
I went to do the maths in fact and found myself dropping cartons at Coles with every zero that racked up on my phone.
The store cleaner looked at all the shells, yolk and white around me.
‘You’ll have to pay for those’ they said.
‘I already have’ I replied.
‘I started with a cool 2 billion’.